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Do you suspect your spouse or partner is having or has had an affair?

Or has it recently been disclosed that an affair has happened?

This can be one of the most trying and emotionally painful times in a individual or couples lives. Many people have swirling thoughts, confusion, anger, and find themselves feeling very anxious.

If any of this sounds like you, I can offer infidelity counseling. I am here to help.

In an infidelity counseling session, I work with couples to first determine where they are at. This means I will walk with you to allow for you to process your hurt while asking you pointed questions to better gain understanding on if you wish to stay in the relationship. Betrayal is complicated, and while there isn’t always a cut-and-dry reason as to why an affair has happened, I will work to help gain understanding for you and your spouse to answer the “why” question. I don’t ever have an agenda in my infidelity counseling or affair recovery sessions. I don’t come from the lens that all relationships are salvageable nor do I believe relationships should stay together at all cost. I also have seen many couples not only stay together, but feel stronger and happier after affair recovery. My goal for our infidelity counseling work is to meet you where you are at, and walk with you on your journey.It’s not easy to start any counseling services, it may feel anxiety provoking, shameful or embarrassing to seek out counseling and disclose cheating. I can assure you, when it comes to affairs, it’s much harder to do nothing than to seek out counseling.

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What are the Stages of Healing from Infidelity?

What are the Stages of Healing from Infidelity? | Thrive Relational Therapy – Marriage Counseling of Vancouver

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I investigated and researched all my options and decided to just wait a while to make a final decision. When I returned home, I allowed him to stay in the house, but I distanced myself from him emotionally.

Step one is ending the affair. Recovery for the deceiver needs to begin with cutting all ties with the affair partner. If the relationship continues in almost any form, recovery for the marriage is unlikely to succeed.

So, I still don my understanding is finite. I just have to lean on Him more than ever for wisdom, strength, and endurance.

Seek support. It can help to share your experience and feelings with trusted friends or loved ones who can support, encourage and walk along with you on your healing path. Avoid people who tend to be judgmental, critical or biased.

I’ve watched hundreds of couples try this method, and I’ve learned a few practical things about effective treatment along the way. To provide clarity, let’s use names: Jennifer and Sam are married, and Jennifer had an affair with Anthony.

Tabitha, are you saying that once you started acting differently, more open, forgiving, loving unconditionally, that your husband did the same? Are you saying he completely gets it? Are you saying he started going to get help for himself once you started to not be bitter and angry? I just want to make sure I’m hearing you correctly. Please let me know if my description is not accurate. Thank you for sharing your story

A betrayed spouse benefits especially from hearing what the partner has learned from the betrayal. The betrayed spouse needs to hear if the deceiving spouse has garnered enough insight to avoid traveling down the hurtful paths of deception and infidelity again. Asking what and how questions can elicit this information. “What have you learned?” “What would you do differently in the future?” “How would you react in the future if…?”

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Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity, which undermines the foundation of marriage itself. However, when both spouses are committed to real healing, most marriages survive and many marriages become stronger with deeper levels of intimacy.

Inability to terminate the illicit relationship is a particularly common cause of affair continuation. “I didn’t want to hurt him/her” often means, “I didn’t know how to say no and goodbye.” At the same time, affairs can be an addictive phenomenon. “I couldn’t say no to the part of me that loved the attention and the sexual excitement.”

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Frequently Asked Questions

Does infidelity pain ever go away?
Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner’s infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn’t going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process.

What are the stages of healing from infidelity?
Discovery. Whether it comes in the form of an admission or an accidental discovery, the affair comes out into the open. … Grief. … Acceptance. … Reconnection.

How long does emotional flooding last after infidelity?
It takes on average, 2 to 5 years to recover from the trauma of infidelity – and that is only if the WS (her) is helping you. Anxiety after infidelity is a painful kick in the guts to an already excruciating experience.

How long does it take to get over an affair partner?
least 2 years until a couple will start healing. (With healing being defined as reestablishing trust, intimacy and connection). is it usually takes longer than you think it will, and there’s no quick path to getting over it, unfortunately.

How long does it take to get over the betrayal of an affair?
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.

What percent of marriages stay together after infidelity?
Marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury wrote that “adultery is no longer a deal breaker in many marriages,” and that “70 percent of couples actually stay together after an affair is discovered.”

What are the stages of recovery from infidelity?
It takes tremendous energy and vulnerability on both sides. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have developed the Trust Revival Method, with three defined stages of treatment: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment.

How long does it take to heal from infidelity?
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.

How long does a marriage last after infidelity?
A study conducted by the American Psychological Association showed that among married couples who experienced infidelity but then underwent couples therapy, 53% were divorced after 5 years. By comparison, only 23% of couples who did not experience an affair were divorced after 5 years, which is a huge disparity

What should you not do after infidelity?
Tell Your Entire Family & All Your Friends. Make Life Altering Decisions. Obsess Over the Other Affair Partner. Blame Yourself.

How long does it take to recover from an affair?
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.

What are the stages of healing after an affair?
Working through an affair is tough. It takes tremendous energy and vulnerability on both sides. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have developed the Trust Revival Method, with three defined stages of treatment: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment.

How can I get over my affair?
Make sure there is remorse.Be honest about why it happened.Remove temptations to re-engage with the affair.Move forward with brutal honesty and care.Be selective about who you tell.Consider working with a licensed therapist.

What to do if you can’t get over your husband cheating?
Divorce ’em. … Hop on a Bike. … Get Tested. … Start Writing. … Toss Some Eggs. … Read a Good Book. … Talk to the Chair. … Take an Improv Class.More items…•Aug 7, 2014

How long does it take to get over being cheated on by your husband?
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.

Can you really get over your husband cheating?
“Couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don’t recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair.” It takes time, however.

How do you get over a cheating husband you still love?
Do NOT tip your hand. This is the first rule. … Do not think, “Oh they would never…” Oh, they would never ask for full custody.Gather your evidence.Find a good family law attorney.Move the money.Go no contact.Stay strong.

What are the long term effects of being cheated on?
The lingering impact Being cheated on can leave long-lasting impacts on people’s mental health, self-esteem and overall confidence, Filler says. Her London-based clinic sees individuals in all stages of affairs, and she adds when someone is cheated on, it can affect every single part of their life.

What infidelity does to a person?
It can affect your mental and physical health In some cases, being the victim of infidelity can have serious consequences for a person’s mental and physical health. The situation has been associated with depression, anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms such as disordered eating and substance misuse.

What Being cheated on does to a woman?
Getting cheated on is one of the most devastating and damaging things that can happen in a person’s life. It can lead to emotional distress, anxiety, depression, an increase in risk-taking behavior and actual physical pain. A partner’s infidelity can even change our brain chemistry.

What percentage of couples stay together after one cheats?
That might mean more couples are overcoming it when it happens. Marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury wrote that “adultery is no longer a deal breaker in many marriages,” and that “70 percent of couples actually stay together after an affair is discovered.”

How do you live with your husband after he cheated?
Make sure there is remorse. Be honest about why it happened. Remove temptations to re-engage with the affair. Move forward with brutal honesty and care. Be selective about who you tell. Consider working with a licensed therapist.

Is it worth staying in a relationship after cheating?
Experts say it’s possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they’re willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman. “They have to—otherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.”

When should you leave a cheating husband?
Your Partner Doesn’t Apologize. … Your Spouse Doesn’t Want to Get Counseling. … Your Partner Doesn’t Show Desire to Put in the Work. … They are Still in Touch with the Person They Cheated on You With. … Your Partner Doesn’t Seem Committed to the Relationship.More items…•

Affair Recovery – Healing from Infidelity